Our fathers open arms

So we heard from the job... sort of... They didn’t hint that we are the preferred candidate but they didn’t say we didn’t have the job either. They said they are meeting up again next week where we will hear a definite answer. I am feeling devastated. Mummy says she doesn’t think we will get the job. I want to keep thinking we will, I keep telling myself we haven’t heard the final answer and that we might still get it. I still feel upset. I feel angry. Why would God show us all these signs towards the job if we don’t have it? Why would He tell daddy to grasp the job if it wasn’t ours to grasp? I am just feeling so abandoned. I know I know I know God hasn’t left us and if we, in the end, don’t get this job for sure we need to fall into His arms. Because they are open. Always.

After realising I was upset with God I sat down and prayed to him. I blurred out everything I was feeling, how everything is feeling so dead. How we really need a job. But why? Because that is our rock? Typing this I feel God speaking to my heart. We want this job because we want some kind of support to go to, because it is so difficult to move around and find a job while we are in England, because we have a good view from Australia as to the jobs available. And all good, but what we need to make sure is that we are keeping God as out rock and not the job.

I think feeling heavy in my chest and a little sad in my heart is normal. Apart of being human. I still can’t get upset at God for leading us where he wants, looking out for us and even though it seems to be turning us away from what we want, placing us with a job that is perfect for us and for his work. I thank Him for that. And I will pray, and keep praying forever and ever about everything. Thanking God for the big and small things, thanking him for my family, for the hundreds of butterflies, for our safety and wellbeing. And I will repent, and I will trust His every move, his every direction changes because in the end, that is what is best for me and that is what he wants. And I will glow with the spark of God inside of me.